I will never wash the dirt of Africa from my shoes

I have 13 days. Just 13 more days left of this amazing 5 month adventure. On one hand, I feel like I just touched down at CPT and on the other, I feel like I have lived here forever. The familiar pulse of Cape Town pounds with each beat of my heart. The dub-step base wafts in through my window as I fall asleep on a Friday night, contemplating it all.

So what? What have I learned? How am I different? I guess its time to try and quantify a million experiences into a new outlook on life.

I think I began to learn how to let go of control. Thematically, control has woven itself into the fabric of my life and while I think its made me successful, at some point it began to control me. I jumped from 216 meters off the highest bridge bungee in the world with nothing but a glorified rubber band around my ankles... After that, the quirky particulars of life that I had come to care about seemed so inconsequential. The efficiency that I took for granted at home I did not find here and instead I found a new patience within myself for people around me.

And in my every day interactions, I so often go running by the dunkin' donuts counter without acknowledging the person that pours my coffee. We go about our day in single-minded pursuit of finishing the day. I think for the first time in a long time, I was able to live in the moment, seeking to love every silly little minute that I was given here.

Even the minutes when I felt as though I lived in a cage. The freedom I have as a woman in the Northeast to do what I please and walk where I want does not exist here. I took it for granted and I never will again. Here I live with a quiet constant fear of being attacked by men and exploited because I belong to the "weaker" sex. But beyond myself, the women on this continent endure more than I could ever imagine... so many single mothers and many of them HIV positive trying to make it through the day. I'm lucky enough to now know what that looks like, and hopefully to find more joy in my own life just knowing how lucky I am.

Maybe its stupid to try and find something profound in these experiences, but I need to create these written memories so I can return to them when I forget what I'm passionate about or what the point is or why I get up in the morning. When I get caught up in the rat race and my life feels futile, I want to be able to look here and remember what its all about: love, overcoming fears, feeling compassion and remaining forever grateful for everything I have.

Love,


A